The Fun Continues

              Musings. Random thoughts.

I'm living in a world where crappy cancer has invaded.  . . . . .it's everywhere! It has taken a front seat in my life permeating my every thought. I'm meeting so many people who are all a part of this "sister-hood" club involving breast cancer. The women I've met through this crappy cancer have been amazing, as well as a resource of information and support.

I've never noticed other women who have had mastectomies and now I do. We are all part of a club we didn't ask to join.

I don't even bother with a gown in the doctor's office any more. Any assemblage of shyness or privacy fades with crappy cancer. I was poked and prodded, squished and smashed, multiple needle sticks, Xrays and Sonograms. My boobs were exposed and felt by multiple medical personnel. Besides, what would I be hiding? Just a bare chest here people! Nothing to see!

Crappy cancer is a taker. It takes away from your shyness and modesty, self esteem, and courage. It continues to take our finances, lifestyle, energy, emotions, health, security and time. Cancer takes a lot. Crappy cancer takes. a. lot.

I live with the constant reminder of cancer. It will forever be a part of my life. I was naive enough to consider that I wouldn't ever have to worry about breast cancer again.  . . . . .NOT! Will it come back? Probably. I need to be diligent and live a healthy lifestyle, and continue to cooperate with my team of doctors. Stupid crappy cancer.

I'm at the 15 day post-op and still experiencing pain and huge discomfort. Is the surgery worse because of the fibromyalgia, or is the fibromyalgia worse because of the surgery? I'm still mad at those that told me there was very little pain! I'm mad at crappy cancer for invading my life. And I'm mad that they whacked off my boobs! I'm mad that amputating my boobs leaves no guarantee that I won't get cancer again!

The bruising is spreading up my chest and my skin is extremely sensitive to touch. The muscles in my back are giving me grief and I'm convinced I fell off the operating table and hit my back. My underarms are the worst. But my incision is looking very good. If I could just get past the pain. . . . . Perhaps once the dadgum drain tubes are out I'll see improvement.

WARNING ⚠  WARNING  ⚠  WARNING
    PICTURE OF CHEST AND INCISION

WARNING  ⚠ WARNING  ⚠ WARNING

          WARNING   ⤵⬇ WARNING


                  15 days post-op incision

Hubster took me to get my flu shot. I sure don't want the flu on top of my recovery. Afterwards, we stopped at one of the "dollar" stores on every corner and bought some Halloween candy. It felt good to get out of the house for a short time but wore me out.

I hate crappy cancer. I hate that it's all I think about right now. I hate that I can't sleep confortably. I hate that I'm on limited activity and my sweet husband is having to take care of everything.

But I love that I have him to help me. I love that he's so supportive. I love that we caught crappy cancer before it was too late. I love that my family surround me with love. I love that I have excellent doctors. I love that the great physician, my Savior, walks with me on this journey. I love that HE'S in control. My faith has never wavered from Him because of this crappy cancer.