Needed Friend

I have spent the last couple of days thinking about my partner, my hubster, my mate, and my "Boo-Boo" (that's my pet name for him, but don't tell him I told you) He loves me, completely, with such intensity it scares me sometimes. He wants to fix this.

When I was first diagnosed, that was a hard thing for him, I suspect. He couldn't fix it. There was nothing he could do. Yes, he was there for me and said kind words. He is a man so sometimes they weren't always helpful, but certainly with the right intent. Yet he still couldn't make this dumb idiotic cancer go away. I saw anger and frustration, and I saw fear. I think he was terrified he was going to lose me.

I know if I need to cry I have his shoulders, and he stands ready to put up with my moods; when I'm sad, when I'm pissed off, when I'm pretending to be brave, or when I need to just be alone.  I have some great friends, a supportive family and a church family, but he is my needed friend.

We have been married 38 years. I am so blessed to have him. I'm proud of how he has tried his best to reassure me. He's my rock; and even though the idiotic cancer (I'm considering a name for it) has invaded my body, our space, our lives, and our family, I think it's fair to say it has invaded him in a different way. It's the elephant in the room at all times as we pretend it's not there and everything is normal. Yet, it's not normal. How is this going to effect him?

He's wearing a pink bracelet for me. He has a pink tee-shirt for me. That man would walk on hot coals for me and if he could, he would fix this. But he can't.