Reality

While it is true that I'm a strong person, and I know I'm going to kick this crappy cancer's butt. . . . . I'm losing the girls (hereinafter referring to my boobs) in 4 days! I still have my weak moments. I'm not sleeping well because my brain won't turn off. Intimate moments with my love will forever be changed. (and yes, I'm sure I'll blog about it so let's not pretend it doesn't exist between two people. God ordained it after all.)

Another part of my freak out is that I've worked so hard to build up my Mary Kay business and I've had to put it on hold. And to be real, I need to sell more to pay for the crappy cancer bills!

Another reality is that there will be pain, soreness, tiredness and a period of recovery. . . . . all while trying to stay motivated, positive and upbeat. Stupid crappy cancer! At least mine was found early and as long as the SN (sentinel node) biopsy comes back negative, I will be cancer-free and no other treatment necessary. Praise God! Of course, I'd rather keep them, but it is what it is, and really it's a small sacrifice to pay for my life and health.


I'm finishing up the laundry, packing the things I'll need at the hospital and getting my room ready for recovery. The physical things I have to do in the next four days are the easy part. Now, I have to prepare my mind and body for the mental and emotional part. There are so many thoughts constantly buzzing around in my head. There are a variety of emotions that seem to come and go in a flurry, almost before I can even get a handle on them. This is going to be a life altering event and will most likely change my perspective on just about everything. Stupid crappy cancer has a face now because it happened to me!

God knew I would get crappy cancer. Psalms 139:16 says, "Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." God mapped out a precise plan for my entire life before I breathed my first breath, so He stands ready to guide me through this. It's part of His plan for my life.

So I'll fight like a girl! Stupid crappy cancer.