My "New Normal"

 

It dawned on me recently that I'm having to "reinvent" myself. We are all known mostly by what we do. In my lifetime, I've worked many jobs and I've even had a few good careers....mostly as a business owner having owned 4 businesses. My latest profession  came to an abrupt halt when I lost my job after 18 years as a victim of bankruptcy. I owned a management company and the corporation that hired me lost everything, so I was out in the cold, as were my 12 employees.

I look back on that, and as hard as it was, it turned into a blessing. The property has since been sold on the auction block and is deteriorating and failing. I don't miss the long hours, working weekends, and time away from my family! Life takes different turns, twists and bumps in the road. My husband and I adopted internationally, and I was available to go through that process. Crappy Cancer struck my mother right after that, for the second time, and I was available to help her.  Then crappy cancer reared it's ugly head again and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. OK. . . . . another "blip" in this journey on earth!


After my diagnosis of breast cancer and the subsequent bilateral mastectomy, I didn’t think it was such a bold move to make the decision to stay flat with no reconstruction. For me, it was the only move. I am somewhat OCD, so I researched a LOT. I had breast fed my girls; the mammaries had served their purpose. I didn’t want to go through additional and unnecessary surgeries or medical treatments; and I was adamant about not having anything else foreign put back into my chest. My identity was not wrapped up in my breasts. However, I encountered some weird reactions regarding my decision when I shared it with others.

After my operation, people who knew me BC (before cancer) - and also some of those who had just heard about my story - responded in a number of ways that ranged from support, compassion, and astonishment in the positive “you are brave” sense, to sadness, shock or just no reaction at all. It’s an unfortunate reality that every day, women around the world are diagnosed with breast cancer; the stats stand now at 1 out of every 7 women. . . . . which is a huge number of women from all different ages, backgrounds, cultures, and walks of life who are thrust into making life-changing decisions that will affect them emotionally and physically for the rest of their lives. Many of them will face the tough question of whether to have reconstruction after their mastectomy, so it is important for me to make clear that despite my personal choice, I am not against breast reconstruction. Every woman must make the choices that are best for HER.

One of my nurse's told me she had reconstruction because her husband wanted it! Really? Why would he force her into doing a surgery that she didn't want? I'm an admin on one of the social media sites for women who chose to go flat and it breaks my heart when I read about husbands and boyfriends who leave them because they chose no reconstruction. So, he only loved her breasts? I have a hard time understanding this. Please . . . . . I'd like to ask that everyone refrain from placing any unnecessary and unfair pressure on a woman fighting this crappy disease, and instead to recognize her right to decide how her body looks, and to celebrate with all of us our beauty and qualities regardless of our shape.


I want to say to my pink sisters that's it's OK to make whatever decision that you want. It's NOT okay to be put under any kind of external pressure from your spouse, family members, or friends as you are going through the emotional and physical experience of battling this crappy cancer. It is your body, and therefore, your decision to make!  I’ve definitely made the right one for me. It's been 8 months. I've recovered nicely and pretty much back to doing the things I enjoy. I'm not normal of course; it's my NEW normal. I'm OK with that.