Buddha Belly

I can see my belly! Which blocks the view of my feet! Dang! My boobs used to block that view looking down. My figure is disfigured! I'm shaped weird. I actually don't miss my boobs, but I sure would like to get rid of this buddha belly. Unfortunately, the belly stores fat as "energy". . . . . and I don't have a lot of energy!

Hot flashes, hair loss, joint/bone/muscle pain, FATIGUE, unusual sweating and temperature changes, nausea, dizziness, anxiety, mood swings (it's hard to explain, but they just slap me suddenly into a funk) and trouble sleeping. These are all side affects of the darn meds I'm on. Fibromyalgia and hypothyroidism kicked my health to the curb a couple years before crappy cancer came along. The meds for those caused weight gain. Now, I'm dealing with all the side affects of the multiple drugs I'm on and I'm shaped like Pooh. See the flat chest and round belly? Yep, that's me! POOH!

My biggest complaint so far is the extreme fatigue. Yes, my joints hurt and I have frequent temperature changes along with restless nights and all the other affects. But I just don't want to be this deep down, bone weary, TIRED for 5 years! Is it the hormone treatment or lack of estrogen? Who knows. All I want to do is sleep, but I usually cannot. I fight anxiety to almost the point of an attack. I hate being around a lot of people. I'd rather just stay home all the time, but I force myself to get back into the world and "show up." It's not easy. And some days I just can't.

I've made a five year commitment. . . . . and it kinda fills me with rage just a tiny bit. I don't want to think (worry) about crappy cancer for the next 5+ years, but I will every time I take that tiny pill.

In the meantime, I'm trying to stay busy so I don't just sit or lay down and do nothing. Staying busy, along with a healthier diet, gives me hope that the buddha belly will somewhat level out. I'm turning 60 this year, and the metabolism is slowing down. My health has deteriorated more than I'd like at this age.

I can't believe how much my life has changed. I'm not the same person I was before crappy cancer. In many ways, I'm more thankful, thoughtful, kinder, and more appreciative. More spiritual. In other ways, I'm more sad, depressed, scared, and just . . . . .different! I look different and I feel different. I'm a survivor and I'm different. But, hey, I'm alive. Buddha belly and all!