I'm dying

I'm dying. I've been dying for 59 years. We all die. Survey says: 10 out of 10 people die!
Crappy cancer makes it all a little too real. I despise the dry, flaky skin. My eyeballs are floating because I can't seem to drink enough water to quinch the cotton mouth. And dang. . . . .I'm exhausted. My batteries are running out. However, I'm not 'struggling' or 'battling'. I'm LIVING!

There are so many afflicted with crappy cancer. I'm not unique. They are all around us if we pay attention. The financial strain it puts on a family is tantamount to the physical and emotional strain. And it has become crystal clear to me that it's a disease that happens to somebody else. Crappy cancer doesn't have a face to other people. 

And there is no such thing as "cured" by the way. We just go "into remission". So why am I referred to as a "cancer survivor?"
After the cancer is removed following surgery, we are given a stamp of being "cancer free". Then there is the treatment. Wo. Is. Me. That's the hard part. FIVE years of treatment. 1825 days. Really? Who decided that magic time frame? Why not 4 years, or 5 years and 6 months? Treatment isn't a fight against crappy cancer itself, but against 're-occurance'. . . . .which is an invisible devil! Is that when I become a survivor? When is the magic day that I can be declared as having won the battle? When will I celebrate a cancer free life?

Every day is a gift and I'm trusting God that crappy cancer was all a part of his plan. It really doesn't matter when I die or what causes my death; for I know this world is not my home and I shall live forever. . . . . just not in this diseased body.

Now don't misunderstand me! I would really like to stick around awhile longer and enjoy my beautiful grandkids! And yet, my name is written in the book of life and my days are numbered.

I ask God every day to show me how I can use my crappy cancer to help someone and bring Him glory. I may never know if I do but I'm sure gonna try. I consider myself blessed.

I've never asked "why me?" Why NOT me? I know the moment I will be cancer free forever, although I can't tell you the exact date or time. Only God knows. And as I meet my Lord in my heavenly home and perfect body, I will be cancer free.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9,16
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not driven to despair; Persecuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed; so we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.