Ponderings on a Rainy Day

I try to stay busy because there is so much to do before I have surgery. However, today (between loads of laundry) I pondered a lot about cancer. I read more articles on prognosis and statistics about breast cancer in particular. It's survivable........tremendously so. But it is also horribly devastating, overwhelming, and horrendous. After all, it’s freaking cancer, not the flu!

Women don’t just magically get better. It’s a fight, and it’s horrible. It’s hard. Breast cancer is an emotional issue. Most of us know someone with the disease, and some of us have lost loved ones to it. But it didn't really have a "face" until it happened to me. Our discomfort with the words "cancer" and "carcinoma" points to a larger problem: The minute we find a knot, or a mammogram show us something "suspicious", that usually means we go down a spiral of emotions as we go through more escalating tests and biopsies.

Cancer is a war that drafts "soldiers" who never signed up for it, who do battle and win, or do battle and lose. Cancer has a language problem.........talking about breast cancer can feel scary, uncomfortable or embarrassing. People don't know what to say to me.

Other than skin cancer, breast cancer is the most common cancer among American women. The median age at diagnosis is 61..........and two-thirds (67.4 percent) of breast cancers occur in women older than 55. (I'm just a few days shy of 59.) When we are diagnosed, we tend to operate in crisis mode! I felt like it was an emergency. Get it out NOW! Why are we waiting? It certainly feels like a crisis.

In hormone receptor-positive disease, breast cancer grows in response to the hormones estrogen or progesterone, or both. My breast cancer was positive for both. Nearly 75 percent of all breast cancers are hormone receptor-positive. Approximately 33 percent of women with estrogen receptor positive breast cancer experience a recurrence. Will I be in that 33%? Over half of these occur more than five years after surgery. When will I be labeled a "survivor"? In 3 years? 5years? Longer than that? 80% of women will survive 10 years. Which percentage will I fall into, and will I forever feel like a ticking time bomb? Doctors don't use the word "cured" but instead will tell you that your cancer is in remission. Breast cancer survivors will tell you that healing is not an event, but a journey with many stops and starts along the way. My journey has just begun.

Moreover, I found myself wondering about the wisdom of educating girls and young women to be aware of their breasts as 'precancerous organs'. One in 8 women will get breast cancer. Over 40,000 women die of breast cancer every year. The recognizable pink ribbon reminds women that every single one of us is vulnerable to breast cancer, and our best protection is annual screening. We’re made ‘aware’ of a disease and yet we are totally removed from the challenging and often devastating realities of its sufferers..........until it happens to us. Wearing a bracelet, sporting a ribbon, running a race or buying a pink T-shirt expresses our hopes, shows courage, faith, and brings awareness..........and that feels good, even virtuous. But making a difference is more complicated than that. What, I ask myself, can I do to make a difference? How is God going to use this "journey" to bless me? How can I use my personal experience to bless others? I'm pondering those thoughts............and more.