Bone Weary Fatigue

By far, the biggest physical challenge I've faced after cancer, is that of chronic fatigue. Fatigue doesn't fully describe the tiredness I feel constantly. . . . . it complicates my sleeping pattern,  affects my mood, weight, and more.  Even after fighting crappy cancer, the familiar side effect of fatigue hangs on, and in full force.  

After the pain from surgery and recovery had finally subsided, I realized that I had non-stop low-grade aching and burning throughout my body that I never felt before crappy cancer, and that it never really went away. As a Fibromyalgia sufferer, I am familiar with pain and fatigue, but this is by far different and somewhat worse. My body has been put through a lot and still suffers with the side affects of the crappy cancer meds. No hormones (I'm on hormone blockers) creates it's own set of problems. After all, our bodies were designed by God to be a perfectly and fine tuned instrument, with various organs secreting hormones for specific purposes. I HAVE NONE!
 
My body was ripped apart and then sewn back together. My body took a beating fighting crappy cancer, and there’s still a tremendous amount of healing and rebuilding that needs to be done, even after 10 months, and all of that requires a lot more rest.

I went from being just fine on 7-8 hours of sleep per night before cancer, to needing at least 9-10 hours after. AND often times, an afternoon nap. Anything less, and I struggle badly throughout the day to move and stay awake. My stamina plummets, and I have to carefully balance the amount of physical activity in a given day, or else I'll simply run out of gas. I never feel like I have anything more than a half tank of gas for the whole day, no matter how well rested I might be. Plus my body feels like it has aged considerably!

This fatigue isn’t an easy thing to manage while trying to live the best life that I can after crappy cancer, while keeping up with my busy life, grand-kids, and part time jobs. Everybody tells me I look great, but I feel this low-grade aching and burning in every single muscle in my body down to my bones, and my continual struggle for energy only makes me even more tired!

Progress, if you could call it that, is slow. It seems like I am going nowhere, but I'm happy for whatever incremental gains in strength and stamina that I can muster up. I find myself being proud when anything as simple as laundry is accomplished!


I'm tired just writing this. I think I'll go sit in the swing and try to stay awake.