Life after crappy breast cancer means returning to some familiar things and also making some new choices. The song says "It ain't over 'til it's over," but when you've had crappy breast cancer, you discover that it's not even over when it's over!
After a marathon of the crappy cancer diagnosis
and treatment that seem to go on forever, one can hardly wait
to get back to a normal life again. There is no normal! I'm trying to find my new normal. My body has been through an enormous assault. I'm still recovering. I
can feel my nerves actually regenerating. . . . . a not too pleasant
feeling. And other places that will forever remain numb.
I have embarked on another leg of the trip. This one is all about
adjusting to life as a breast cancer survivor. In many ways, it's a lot like the life I had before, but in other ways, it's very
different.
My relationships with my family, spouse and friends. . . . . to my eating habits and (EEK) exercise have changed my life in ways that I hope and pray will last well after treatment ends. Treatment has been tough. I hate the side affects of these crappy cancer meds. How do I fight this lingering fatigue? What should I eat or NOT eat to help prevent a crappy cancer recurrence?
The emotional ups and downs are frustrating; with most of it due to the crappy cancer therapy. There are just so many things going on that it's hard to pin down what I hate the worst. Fatigue has got to be up there at the top though. Bone weary fatigue is no joke! NO ENERGY at all is making me feel much older than I am.
My sight has been affected. My memory and cognition have suffered. I don't sleep well. I hurt all the time. It's not just soreness; it's a deep down, my bones feel bruised, hurting. Just another not so pleasant side affect. And the hot flashes!!!! Oh Em GEE!!! These are so INTENSE!! Much more so than when I went through menopause!
I want my life back. I want my body, mind and energy back. Am I gambling with my life if I quit therapy? Studies suggest that I am. I'm on my second one and it's about as bad as the first one. I'm supposed to take this crappy cancer therapy for 8 years. EIGHT YEARS!!!! It feels like an endless process. However, studies show a great link between estrogen positive cancers coming back, sometimes decades later. Breast cancer is a smoldering, sneaky, insidious disease that is never truly over. So yes, I will most likely continue the treatment for the recommended time and suffer through it.
Everybody thinks I'm through. Done. What's the Big Deal anyway? They just don't get it. It Ain't Over! I'm still dealing with recovery. I'm still dealing with the therapy to prevent a recurrence. I'm not springing back to my old self. She's gone. She basically died the day I got the crappy cancer diagnosis. I'm having to reinvent myself. I'm having to rest more often. I have to make notes so I don't forget things. I'm having to carry around a fan and even go outside in 30 degree weather just so i can BREATHE! (you just have no idea how intense these dang hot flashes are!)
It Just Ain't Over.
