Having breast cancer can lead to emotional distress and thousands of insecurities. When I learned that I had breast cancer, I felt like a brick house fell on top of me. Then I was numb. Then I was scared. Then I was in a hurry. (Take it out!!!!) There were a plethora of emotions I went through in those first few months. . . . . still am. It isn't unusual to suffer from a blow to our self esteem with a cancer diagnosis. Crappy cancer causes many physical issues as well as having an impact on our soul.
From the moment that you hear the words “breast cancer,” your mind goes to the worst possible conclusion. Breast cancer is a harsh reality of our immortality; it leaves our
bodies scarred no matter what treatment we might need, or choose to
have. The emotions still hit me like hammer upside the head when I least expect them, and for no reason at all it seems. These insecurities leave me feeling overwhelmed and alone. I still have insecurities about my mastectomy scars and how I look. (My chest is still tender, so there's a constant reminder.)
I'm still getting used to my new body . . . . . The "new me." I'm not so sure how long that will take. Self-healing is a process to my well-being . . . . .and will most likely take the rest of my life. Why the rest of my life? Because even when crappy cancer is gone from my body, I am affected and changed
forever. The person I once was has a new outlook, and a new
physical appearance.
I had planned on a tattoo to cover the scars, but those dollars were spent on more important things. Now, I find myself having second thoughts. There are days when I really want to get it done NOW. . . . . and days when I want to embrace my scars. With the emotional anxiety I'm still going through 8 months post BMX, I'm just giving myself time.
And
in the process of all this anxiety and insecurity, crappy cancer rears
it's ugly self again in the form of skin cancer on my nose. I had to get
out in public with stitches on my nose! It was so hard. With the
stitches out, I'm able to mostly hide the still healing sore with
makeup. My body has failed me and I'm not liking it one little bit.
I've changed. I'm not the confident, strong extrovert I used to be. Crappy cancer changed me.
