Cancerversary

Well, it's been a year already. I can hardly believe it. I'm still healing on the inside and can actually feel my nerves regenerating. My muscles in my chest are pretty useless and get really sore when I try to do anything requiring them to work. Under arms are still numb and tender as is my chest. There are days that I don't notice or think about it much, and other days when it's so tender that it's all I think about.

The surgery was the easy part. This past year recovering was the hard part. I had very few friends who were helpful during that time. I expected them to visit and surround me with love, meals, assist with housecleaning, etc. Boy, was I wrong! It's been very hurtful and disappointing not to have all that support from those I thought were my friends. That was difficult to deal with and added to my depression. My wonderful husband was my rock and still is. He does so much for me to prevent me from getting too sore. We have pretty much gone through this crappy cancer journey alone, he and I.

He goes with me every 3 months to see the surgeon and the Oncologist. Those first 9 months were the roughest with the meds side affects. The mood swings would hit me like a brick with no warning or reason. Insomnia. Hot flashes. Hair loss, nail loss, flaky skin, fatigue, loss of appetite, HIGH anxiety. . . . .just to name a few. I never felt good.

I've now started a new medicine that I've been on for about a month and it seems much better so far. I've also been given something for the anxiety which is helping me sleep better. I still have the hot flashes, VERY INTENSE hot flashes, but the other symptoms are fading into the background. I'm supposed to take it for 8 long years to lower my chances and prevent the cancer from coming back. So, I'm hoping I can deal with what it does to me for that long. 

Crappy cancer has taken so much from me. I'm just trying to find my "new normal" and adjust to life as I now know it. I rarely feel good or have much energy, but I do try to push myself to stay active as much as possible. I'm still standing. I'm alive and cancer free. I'm blessed and realize the little things in life are important.